Well, I was reading some comments on superheronation.com, and (perhaps mistakenly) thinking that my action scenes are pretty decent. With that came another thought--what if I pace scenes too quickly? I think, perhaps, that I tend to do that, hurry through everything and that is why my books end up being 'novellas'. It takes so long to finish them, and then I realize they are only 45-70 pages long (sometimes typed, sometimes not).
Here's an excerpt from one of the books/stories I am working on (and right now, I am writing on lined paper so grammar and etc. if there are any mistakes, are not corrected):
""Luka's entire body began to shake and she bit her lip hard, trying to keep herself under control--but she slipped. "I have issues?" She spat. "I didn't stab a helpless boy in the brain, I'm not the leader of a billion people whose soul purpose is to roam the galaxies attacking planets and killing off their entire population, and then taking their resources."
The empress gazed at her with sorrow filled eyes. "You joined us willingly, Luka, and you have killed helpless, innocent children. You cannot excuse yourself--you say that I am horrible, but you, my dear, are as horrible as I."
The words stung, and Luka blanched as the empress rose from her seat. "I believe that all of this has been too much for you to bear, and I am exiling you to Maena."
"What?" The empress was getting rid of her? "Why? Why not just kill me, then?"
"Because we do not kill fellow Raelek," the empress smoothly replied. "I would rather you go without problems, a few of my guards will fly you to the planet. They will drop you off by the caves."
Luka could only stare at her empress in disbelief. Where was the caring, albeit aloof empress she had come to know?"
Do you feel that this scene was paced too quickly/feels too 'rushed'? There is more dialogue before this, but do you think that the empress' announcement was too sudden or should there have been some warning of her decision? Would you, as the reader, rather this come as a surprise or there be more foreshadowing, or do you feel this is not a great enough turn that there be foreshadowing needed?
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I don't think foreshadowing is necessary, though it seems a great plot turn from the excerpt. As a reader, I like to be surprised, and occasionally linger over a sentence to fully comprehend the meaning.
ReplyDeleteI think that it fits some villians to be completely, or only partially, unpredictable. Based on the excerpt, it sounds fine.
Thanks for your input, Carrie. :)
ReplyDeleteSame here. I think the foreshadowing would kind of ruin the suspense, but don't go on my opinion, I just loved readng it, so I'm not the best critic.
ReplyDeleteThere is some foreshadowing that all is not as well as it seems, but it does not give any idication that the empress would banish Luka. Only that the empress' sister, Riah, perhaps had other reasons for offering to turn Luka into a Raelek. (more on that later, perhaps).
ReplyDeleteI should definitely read a book so that I could talk about it here, but I do not have the time, unfortunately. :(